The Look of Love

Read about the author Samantha Evans

It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul, so what are you saying with your eyes to your partner?

Research has shown that we are biologically and socially programmed to recognize non verbal communication by what someone does with their body, facial expressions and their eyes. Our eyes can tell others what we are thinking or feeling.

So what are you saying with your eyes?

The Look of Affection

It’s a look that says I love you, I want you and I’m glad I’m with you. It’s a look we give our children too. Often we are too distracted to notice this look of affection and miss the non verbal cues our partner may be sending us. This can lead to feelings of neglect, unimportance and being ignored. We don’t mean to create these feelings but our gaze is unfocused when distracted by some stressful or difficult problem. Even though we are in the room together, we are absent.

Make time and space to really concentrate on what your partner is saying with their eyes and return their look of affection with a loving gaze of your own. You will both feel good about this exchange. Men and women have different ways in which they make eye contact. Men will openly stare at the women they are interested in whereas women will let their eyes roam the room to see who is there.

When gazing at a loved one, you should concentrate on their left eye which is linked to the right side of the brain associated with emotion.

If Looks Could Kill

This is a familiar look of disdain and disapproval, when the eyes narrow and the brow furrows. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this look. The meaning of such a look can indicate many things, including “you are stupid”, “I can’t believe you did/said that”, “how dare you”. There are times when such a look is merited, when a major mistake is made, the discovery of a lie or a hurtful remark but sometimes there is no need to use this look. Next time you feel the need to shoot the look of death at your partner, try a look of affection instead. The killer look never helps to heal a rift in a relationship so try other ways, such as talking to each other or spend time cooling down in another room before you are ready to resolve the situation.

The Art of Deception

When someone is lying, they tend to blink more frequently and they will often look away to avoid the intimate gaze of the other person. Good liars can conceal their deception by maintaining eye contact but may give themselves away by other non verbal bodily cues such as a tapping foot, a facial tic or nervously playing with a pen, piece of clothing or jewellery. Poker players will maintain a “poker face” to avoid revealing to their opponents that they are excited about the cards they hold.

What do your eyes say when you make love?

Have you ever made love with the lights on and your eyes open?

Looking at each other during foreplay can intensify the way a couple feels about each other and connect them sexually. Deliberate prolonged eye contact is not only a great way to build intimacy but can also show our partner how we are feeling about them. There is nothing more powerful and arousing than gazing deeply into each other’s eyes during lovemaking to increase your sexual pleasure and excitement. Pupils dilate when we are aroused, making us appear more attractive to the opposite sex. The longer the eye contact between two people, the greater and deeper the intimacy.

Intimate eye gazing takes practice and won’t work if the attraction is not reciprocated. If you and your partner have already established an attraction, deep eye gazing will enhance your feelings and turn the heat up in the room, so give it a try, you might like it!

1. Find a quiet room

Find a quiet place where you can both get close enough to have each other’s undivided attention. A public place is too noisy to concentrate and isolate yourself from your surroundings.

2. Dim the lights

Your pupils dilate in dim light making you focus more on your partner, rather than your surroundings and makes you appear more attractive.

3. Soften your gaze

By relaxing your facial muscles, your focus will follow and gently rest on your partner’s face, not intensely burn a hole into their head.

4. No talking

Try to avoid any chatter even though you may want to giggle at the intensity of the situation. Concentrate on clearing your mind of all thoughts except those about your partner.

5. Deep breaths

Release any tension by concentrating on taking slow deep breaths, you may even find that you and your partner synchronize your breathing.

6. Unlock secrets

You may find that as your sexual tension increases, you or your partner may reveal a side to yourselves you have never shown or seen before which may make you both feel vulnerable and exposed. This may take time to get used to but will only enhance your intimacy further.

The eyes are the windows to the soul and practising intimate eye gazing for a few minutes each day can create a powerful bond which will enhance your sexual connection.