Sex and Disability

Read about the author Samantha Evans

Sexuality doesn’t end when a person has a disability. There are so many ways to experience sexuality and sexual pleasure. Even if a person loses all the physical sensation in their genital regions, they can still achieve physical closeness, pleasure and even orgasm by becoming creative in their sexual activity. Sex is essential to better health and well-being, it makes us feel good because it offers so many benefits, both physically and mentally, to keep us happy and satisfied.

Living with a disability can create limitations to your sex lives, but by making adaptations to the way in which you have sex means you can continue to have a fulfilling sex life. Incorporating changes to the position in which you have sexual intercourse, using sex toys to stimulate parts of your body you are unable to reach or feel sensation and practising sex without sexual intercourse can help you to lead a totally satisfying and perhaps an even better sex life.

In fact, many people who have a disability enjoy better sex lives because they are imaginative about the way in which they enjoy sex, solo or with a partner, incorporating sex toys, lubricants, sex furniture, waterproof sheets, bondage, harnesses and so much more to enjoy pleasurable sex.

Communication

Communication is vital when it comes to getting what you want from sex. Letting your partner know what works or doesn’t work for you will make them feel more confident about what they are doing and how they are doing it. This applies whether you have a disability or not. You need to be sensitive about the way in which you bring up the subject and try not to criticise their actions but say “I love it when you do this” or “this way works better for me”. You may even find that your partner is more willing to try new sexual experiences than you realised!

Telling each other how you feel, what you like or would like, or what you fantasise about can bring a whole new feeling of openness to any sexual relationship. By experimenting with different ideas, techniques and using your imagination, you will soon find out what works for you and brings you both better, sexual satisfaction.

Change your position

If you find a certain position uncomfortable, change it. When trying a new position for the first time, take it slowly and check that your partner is comfortable too. Sexual intercourse doesn’t need to be deep penetration or even penetration, sex is so much more than penetration, as many people know and enjoy, there are so many other intensely pleasurable things you can do. There is an array of sex furniture, harnesses, frames, bondage cuffs, ties and leg supports available to buy, designed to help you achieve the most comfortable position for you and you could just use pillows and cushions.

Great sex without penetration

Sex is so much more than penetration, however when penetrative sex is not possible, mutual masturbation, intimate massage, all over body massage, use of bondage to create different sexual sensations on the skin, temperature play use of sex toys, reading erotic fiction, listening to audio porn, watching porn and light bondage all make sex feel amazing!

Manual or oral stimulation can be pleasurable if penetration isn’t possible. Masturbating in front of each other can be deeply arousing, or masturbating each other using your hands, mouth or with a sex toy, can bring most people to orgasm. According to research, only 25% of people with a vulva orgasm through penetrative sex, the other 75% require clitoral stimulation and often achieve mind-blowing orgasms this way. Clitoral sex toys are amazing and can help you avoid becoming tired if your orgasm is taking some time to achieve. Gently rubbed over your clitoris, you can control the speed and rhythm of the vibrations to achieve the perfect orgasm. Many are beautifully designed and quiet.

Using blindfolds and silk ties can enhance your senses and make you concentrate on the pleasurable sensations you are feeling.

Body massage using sensual massage oils enables you to connect with each other and makes you feel great. Often, people with disabilities aren’t touched by other people because they don’t know how to or don’t want to cause any discomfort or distress to the person with the disability, but touch is an important part of life and can feel fantastic as well as ease any aches and discomfort caused by the disability.

Great lubrication

Most women experience vaginal dryness at some stage of their life, either through hormonal changes post childbirth, breastfeeding, lack of arousal, menopause, side effects of medication and the ageing process Using a skin – safe irritant free lube can transform your sex life, boost your arousal and your sexual pleasure and make it last longer too.

Ingredients really matter when it comes to your intimate health and sexual pleasure, especially if you have a vulva and vagina, but some products can also cause penile and anal irritation too. We only use, recommend and sell three brands, YES, SUTIL Luxe and Rich and ID Lube, a silicone brand. This is because we care about your intimate health and will never sell lubricants that contain irritating ingredients that include glycerin, glycols, parabens, dyes, perfume, alcohol, CBD, sorbitol or antibacterial ingredients. Research shows that these ingredients all impact upon the microbiome of the vagina, changing its delicate pH, which disrupts and destroys our friendly bacteria that keep our vaginas and vulvas happy, healthy, flexible and lubricated. This can lead to irritation, itching, stinging, burning and even thrush or bacterial vaginosis. You may also experience urethral irritation, cystitis and UTIs too

Just because a product is slippery does not mean it is suitable for intimate use or sex play, so do not reach for products from your kitchen or bathroom cupboards, they were never designed for intimate use!

The same goes for the ingredients in the lubricant on condoms. Many people think they have a latex allergy when they are actually experiencing irritation from the lube ingredients.

What Lube should I choose?

Water-based lubricants are the closest to your own natural lubrication, they are easy to wash off, can be used for any sexual activity, used with any sex toy material including silicone toys and are condom compatible. Our lubricants are pH balanced, don’t leave any residue and can be reactivated during sex play with a little water if they begin to dry out

“Wish I had discovered Sutil Luxe years ago… really nice and will definitely buy again. It was so good, both me and my husband overslept this morning!”

SUTIL LUXE is a silky smooth water-based lubricant, made from botanical and organic ingredients, that moisturises, nourishes and soothes our most intimate areas, as well as lubricating for sexual pleasure. This fabulous water-based lubricant gently cushions and glides, blending seamlessly with your own natural lubrication, making you more lubricated during sex. It feels very natural, not intrusive like many other lubricants. Being water-based, it is easy to wash off, too.

Free from irritating ingredients and hormone free, it is perfect for anyone, including those not able to have hormone replacement therapy and post cancer treatment, not only as a sexual lubricant but also as a vaginal moisturiser and can be used with any sex toy or dilator.

Made with eco – certified ingredients, SUTIL is committed to creating natural and organic cosmetics that are not only great for your skin, but also derived from renewable resources and manufactured using environmentally friendly processes. Even the sleek tube is biodegradable.

We also sell YES water-based lubricant made from organic and botanical ingredients that are not irritating. It is easy to wash off, safe to use for all sexual activities, pH balanced to that of the vagina flora, free from any smell, taste, colour and is non-staining.

Water-based lubricants can also be used during anal play.

Oil-based lubricant is longer lasting, but is not suitable for use with latex condoms. Do not use oil-based products that have never been designed for sexual use, as they will destroy condoms and your vagina and anal health.

Keep vegetable oils for your salad, baby oil for your body and petroleum jelly for your lips! If you’re prone to thrush, just use coconut oil in your cooking or on your skin.

YES Oil Based Lubricant is plant-based, free from any irritating ingredients, has a much thicker consistency, suitable for water play, great for anal play, highly moisturising to the skin and can be used with water-based lubricant to create a Double Glide effect. It can also be used to protect the delicate tissue of the vulva if you experience dryness, soreness or feel uncomfortable and is great to use when swimming in chlorinated or seawater which many cause irritation.

If you want a longer lasting lube that is condom compatible, SUTIL Rich is ideal. Designed with a pH suitable for both anal and vaginal use, the new “Rich” formulation has enhanced viscosity to ease anal penetration and soothe dry, delicate tissues.

SUTIL Rich contains small amounts of Horny Goat Weed — a herbal aphrodisiac — that is added, along with Siberian Ginseng and Jujube nut. Traditionally, these herbs are used to increase strength, energy, stamina and vitality, but they also help to boost immune functions and have natural antibiotic and antiseptic properties to fight infection. Horny Goat Weed is also a vasodilator, which promotes blood flow and increases natural lubrication.

Depending on your sensitivity, you may feel a warm, slightly tingly sensation when using SUTIL Rich and if you are new to SUTIL we would recommend trying SUTIL Luxe first (or trying both – we have 10ml testers of both available).

Get the right help

If you are experiencing a problem with your sex life, seek help from your doctor, who should be able to provide you with practical advice, medical help or couples therapy. Don’t let them prescribe medication unless you really need it. Sex therapy is extremely useful and can help you through your problems without the need for drug taking.

If your doctor is unhelpful, seek help and advice from disability charities and associations who will be able to point you in the right direction to ease your problem.

Whatever you do, don’t give up. Just because you are living with a disability, you shouldn’t have to give up sex. Sexual health and well-being is important to maintaining good health, both physically and mentally and promoting positive relationships with our partners.

Useful Websites

Outsiders : www.outsiders.org.uk
Enhance the UK : www.enhancetheuk.org/enhance/the-love-lounge
Scope: www.scope.org.uk
Enable Magazine :www.enablemagazine.co.uk
Disability Horizons : www.disabilityhorizons.com

Bloggers I follow
Emily Rose Yates :www.emilyroseyates.co.uk
Mik Scarlet : www.mikscarlet.com
Kelly Perks Bevington : http://www.kellyperksbevington.com/