Secrets of oral sex: Performing oral on a penis

Read about the author Alice Hunter

The art of oral sex has gone from taboo to commonplace in literature and representations of sex over the last 5 decades. Humans are one of the only species to kiss on the mouth as a form of sexual foreplay (the main other being bonobo chimps), but it is only commonplace in 46% of cultures worldwide. The use of the mouth has several instinctive, positive associations – suckling as an infant, enjoying food and drink – things which are hard-wired into our feel-good receptors to keep us alive – and our mouths are packed with sensitive nerve endings on the lips and tongue.

The biochemical aspect of the mouth should not be overlooked either – there is evidence that small amounts of testosterone can be transmitted by saliva from a man to a woman, triggering her sex drive, and we can detect the pheromones of another person, feeling ‘chemistry’ or not – and deciding on a primal level whether they would make a suitable mate. Studies have also indicated that kissing increases the oxytocin level in men (the ‘bonding’ chemical).

If all this takes place with mouth-to-mouth contact, how much more so when we move mouth-to-genitals?

Studies have indicated that swallowing semen can accustom your immune system to someone’s DNA, so you are less likely to have an autoimmune miscarriage during pregnancy. Conversely, oral sex is often considered a ‘safe’ way to obtain sexual relief with another human being, that doesn’t result in pregnancy.

Far from now being considered taboo, or something special and intimate (a mythology that largely still pervades anal sex), it is usually considered something between a kiss and full sex: slightly more intimate than a hand-job, but not as much as vaginal penetration. Certain American politicians even debated whether it counts as ‘sexual relations’. It’s a common act for many male-male (or other gender identities which involve a penis somewhere) pairings, heterosexual couples, and it can be the main act or can just be foreplay.

Fellatio (BJ, oral, etc) has a long history, with palaeontologists suggesting that ‘Lucy’ (the first woman for whom remains have been found) practiced a form of fellatio. There are explicit images of Isis and Osiris of Egyptian mythology in the British Museum, with Isis ‘Blowing life’ into him via his fun-parts. Ancient India is the birthplace of the famous Kama Sutra, with an entire chapter on oral sex. Ancient Rome perceived the participants of fellatio as ‘active and passive’, with the recipient being the active (or dominant) one, and the giver being passive (and submissive – a slave or woman). It was also documented in Roman texts as a potential punishment for stealing – an act of subjugation and shame for he who had to perform it and means of making reparation to the victim.

Now, of course, the mental associations are usually very different. In Western culture, the ability to perform an amazing blow job is a valuable sexual skill, and one that nobody wants to suck at. It is part of the toolkit that defines sexual prowess, a status symbol of natural talent and skills acquired. Nobody wants to be bad at blowing.

So, having established that oral sex on a penis is natural, normal and socially acceptable, let’s look at what’s great about it:

Benefits for the penis owner

• Feeling tired? Mind occupied elsewhere? Not taking the active sexual role and having a breather while you sit back and enjoy being pleasured is a feeling of luxury second to none.
• Oral sex creates a different sensation to vaginal sex. There are many different aspects which bring pleasure – the feeling of suction, the feeling of the glans on the back of the throat if they go deep, the swirling and tickling sensations at the tip if they go shallow. It’s an altogether different feeling.
• For those who like to feel dominant, having your partner kneeling before you can be a real psychological buzz.
• Zero chance of pregnancy
• Can be used to firm-up a semi before the act of intercourse
• Can create a faster or more delayed orgasm, depending on how it is done
• Your partner’s hands are free to roam and explore your chest, inner thighs, balls and anal region, if you enjoy it
• Your own hands and mouth are free to reciprocate and explore your partner’s body, if you are both so inclined. The infamous ‘69’ (reciprocal oral sex at the same time) sounds like a great idea in theory, but is geometrically difficult and hard to perfect, as once one of you starts seriously enjoying receiving, they are likely to lose focus on what they are doing on the other.

Ways for penis owners to encourage oral sex:

• Trim, wax or shave the area, especially the shaft itself if needed. Gagging on a loose hair isn’t nice.
• Make sure the area is freshly washed and smells good. Clean under the “foreskin” (if you have any) and remove any debris. If it smells and tastes like sweaty feet (or worse) you’ll deter your partner.
• Make sure you’ve also washed around your anus and trimmed the hair there if it tends to catch things. Changing position to find yourself nose deep in a cluster of dingleberries is off-putting for most.
• Put on nice underwear that smells fresh.
• Don’t expect your partner to perform oral the way you’ve seen in pornography. It’s not real.
• Be prepared to reciprocate with your partner – before, after, regularly or during. And learn how to do it well!
• Be suitably appreciative, both verbally and in your behaviour, before and after.
• Avoid thrusting hard down your partner’s throat, holding their head so they can’t breathe, farting in their face or any other such activities that will put them off offering next time.

Benefits for the person performing oral sex on a penis:

• You get to have a REALLY good look at it, close up, and check for any signs of STIs (STI’s are not always visible, but if there is a rash, sores, or strange greenish discharge or odd smell, you’ll at least have a heads-up before you do anything).
• You have the power and control to ‘edge’ your partner (bring them close to climax and then dial it back down, multiple times) so that when they finally orgasm it is a mind-blowing fountain.
• There is a feeling of sexual prowess to be gained from performing really good blow jobs, which makes you feel both aroused and desirable.
• If you enjoy feeling submissive, it can be done as an act of worship/obedience. If you enjoy feeling dominant, it can be done as an act of control, teasing and tantalisation.
• You have options to get your partner really riled up before sex or perform oral to orgasm, and then play it like porn – with spitting, swallowing, or having your partner shoot into your face or on your body
• Zero risk of pregnancy
• Can be performed by people without a vagina, or who do not wish to use their vagina sexually, for any reason

Having considered all the reasons why oral on a penis can be great, let’s find out how to become the monarch of mouth sex:

It is often said that the main thing that makes for a great blow job is enthusiasm.

While this may be largely true for many people, there are some niceties of technique that, while preferences vary, will give you a toolkit to work with. Use your senses for feedback – for penis owners this is usually pretty simple, as the main ‘arousal meter’ is right in front of you (or in your mouth), however there are other signs:

• vocalisations of pleasure (or pain!) and a drop in timbre of the voice
• pace of breathing
• sweating and colour of the skin
• pre-cum (pre-ejaculate: you may taste this. Some people make more than others)
• rising of the scrotum as approaching orgasm, to form a higher, closer and more wrinkled pouch
• change of smell (you may or may not notice this – we are all different)

If you pay attentions to the signs you are getting, as well as any verbal instructions/requests, you’ll have better control of how your partner is responding to your efforts and be able to tailor them appropriately.

Blow job basics:

• Work up to the area, caressing your partner’s other erogenous zones first with your fingers, lips and tongue to get them ready. Penis owners are often highly visual in terms or arousal. Wear something to their taste, strip off a little to show some flesh and show you are keen to get to it.
• Make sure your mouth is wet or apply oral lubricant to the penis. You can start flaccid, semi or fully erect, but you’ll have to adjust what you do appropriately. Flaccid often starts best with some light, well-lubricated handling followed by suction.
• Avoid using your teeth – roll your lips over them, purse your lips or take your false teeth out altogether – teeth are very sharp and, in the moment, can cause pain and damage. Interesting sensations can be created with careful use of an over-teeth plastic retainer if you wear one or gum shields (if you play sports). If you have metal braces, especially behind your teeth, you will need to be extremely careful.
• Whether to use your hands is a bit of a crowd-splitter. Hands can add extra sensation and help you to feel more in control if you have an enthusiastic thruster as your partner, or if your partner is very well-endowed. You can caress the base of the penis and provide firm strokes to accompany your oral action that would be firmer than can be achieved with the mouth alone. Conversely, a big buzz for many penis-owners is being able to see your face as you are doing it. If you can manage to look up, make eye contact and smile (a bit of a tricky thing to manage at the same time), that’s a firm favourite for many.
  Hands obscure the view.
• You can use your tongue to lick all over the penis, whether swirling or in up and down strokes. The most sensitive area is normally the glans (or head) at the top, especially the underside or near the urethral opening. You can adjust your pressure, speed and time spent on each area to the preferences of your partner.
• You can perform a light sucking action, combined with tongue swirling, up and down licks, or up and down movement of your head. Alternatively, you can form a ridge with your lips pulled over your teeth and go up and down creating a firmer pressure. Be very careful of the glans while doing this – there is a ridge there which will stop you sliding right off the end but is also sensitive.
• Deep throat has a semi-mythological status, often featuring in porn. Many penis owners adore receiving it, but it is a tricky art form to master. The vast majority of people have a gag reflex to prevent them from choking. Pushing at the back of the throat activates this. The back of the throat is a very sensitive area, and repetitive thrusting motions onto it are likely to cause vomiting. Even in lieu of this, the average penis size is more than enough to block your airway, leaving you suddenly panicked at being unable to breath. Though these issues can lessen with regular practice, the simplest way to overcome them is just to go a little bit at a time – try to go deeper say, 1 in every three thrusts or so, coming back for air in between. Some people also use throat numbing spray (xylocaine) to help but be sure not to put it on right before you start, or you will likely transfer it to your partner’s penis and numb the tip! (Personal top tip – don’t have a jalapenos right before either, unless your partner is really into pain).
• You can perform oral sex on a penis from multiple positions. You can go from the side, which is somewhat awkward, kneeling in front, or lying on the bed with your head hanging back off the side. The more you can get your head back, however, the more you will align your throat with the angle of your mouth, and you’ll have an easier time going deep or managing a large penis without it hitting the back of your throat. It also mixes up your options a little, provides variety and lets your partner look at and touch you in different ways.
• You can take the penis in your hands and slowly and gently slide each ball into your mouth (or both together if they aren’t too big) to suck on. Many penis owners enjoy this, some can’t stand it. You’ll quickly find out one way or the other. The same goes for incorporating anal rimming (anolingus), stroking of the anal area or insertion of a finger. It’s best to discuss these ideas with a new partner, or if you haven’t tried them before. Some people love them, some would feel violated.
• Rubber up? There is a standing mythology that oral sex is ‘safe’ or ‘lower risk’ than vaginal penetration. This is in spite of the fact that many drug-resistant strains of STI’s are being passed primarily orally, and that GUM clinics tend not to take oral swabs as standard in their screening. Though condoms do not provide perfect protection, they are the best protection you have against most STIs (other options include regular, full testing of yourself and all partners, complete, guaranteed monogamy or celibacy). This being said, performing satisfactory oral sex with a condom is among the most difficult aspects one can achieve. It is a barrier to sensation and a bit of a choking hazard for the performer while deep-throating. My enquiries into this with professionals suggest that using an oral-friendly condom (maybe flavoured?) and ensuring it is a good, snug fit are among the most important aspects.

Advanced things to try:

• Use sips of cold water now and then to change the sensation.
• Have some mentholated chewing gum beforehand to give a tingle.
• Use a small vibrator or designed for penile pleasure outside of your mouth, on your fingers or held against the base of the penis, on the balls or behind them to change the experience.
• Incorporate anal prostate toys into your blow job to give a more intense experience.
• After going deep, your throat will change your saliva to become thick and stringy. When you come up, open your mouth to allow air to get to the tip and let this thick saliva fall out all over the place (sounds uncivilised, but penis owners seem to enjoy it).
• Get in a friend to help: the two-person blow job is a common ‘bucket-list’ experience for many penis owners, and it’s more fun to do and half the work. You can work together to each lick up and down the sides or alternate who is working the tip and the balls.

Now you are armed with the classic moves, you have the knowledge to provide at least a moderately good blow job! Taking it from that to amazing is down to responding to your partner, trying new things, keeping it varied, practice, and ultimately, the three things that seem to be universally adored:

Enthusiasm, eye contact and smiling.

We should all be having great sex. Time to start practicing!