How to make a long-distance relationship last
Read about the author Megan Barnett
Whether you’re away from your partner due to work commitments or living away at university, long-distance relationships can be tough. Making a happy long-distance relationship last takes a certain level of maturity for both partners, as you need to find the right balance in making your living situation amiable whilst maintaining a good relationship with your partner, however far away they may be.
Communicate
The key to a good long-distance relationship is communicating. Even a simple text can help to strengthen your bond with your partner. If you’re unable to talk over the phone or text due to work constraints or a social event, let your partner know prior to this. It can be irritating enough when someone doesn’t respond to your messages or pick up the phone, but in a long-distance relationship negative feelings can be exacerbated, as not only is there a physical distance, but a sense of one-sidedness in communication can cause a level of emotional distancing too.
While it can be comforting to hear someone’s voice at the other end of the phone, it’s also important to see each other too, whether that be via photographs on social media or facetiming over Skype or your Smartphone.
What’s great about facetiming is you can “be together” without being together. Carrying out your everyday tasks with Skype on in the background can bring a sense of normality to your relationship, as you’re able to chat freely to and see your partner as you perhaps would if you were living together.
It’s also important to be emotionally available. Because of the distance between you, it can be easy to shrug off any grievances you may have as you might see discussing important issues as hassle, but pretending that everything is ok won’t help anyone. The good thing about long-distance is you have time to think through any issues fully before voicing your concerns, rather than having a hot head!
Be honest about your relationship
It can be a difficult conversation to have, but if you aren’t serious about your relationship then there isn’t much point being in it. A long-distance relationship takes effort to maintain from both partners involved, and is based on a lot of trust too.
If there are feelings of uncertainty about the relationship, or that one or both of you may be missing out on new experiences and/or dating other people, then it’s probably best to end the relationship. It may hurt initially, but more feelings will be spared in the long run.
A recent US survey (2016) found that the average length of time long-distance relationship before couples in a long-distance relationship realised it wasn’t going to work out was four and a half months. Of course this isn’t a black and white time-frame and all couples are different, but if you are having doubts then it’s best to voice your concerns with your partner.
Make time for each other
Whether it means simply scheduling a certain time or day of the week for a Skype session or going to visit your partner, it’s important to see each other. That being said, you’ll be happier in the long run if you make your living situation amiable too, so let yourself make friendships and enjoy a good social life, otherwise you may become unhappy and lonely whenever your partner isn’t visiting.
When your partner is visiting you, it can be a great excuse to go to touristy places in your area or an exhibit that you might not want to see alone. However, more often than not you will spend all day in bed watching films and making up for lost time! That being said…
Don’t put pressure on your sex life
Spending large amounts of time away from your partner means that when you do finally see each other, there will be a large possibility that sex will be the first thing on the agenda. However, if you or your partner has been travelling for a long time, you might not feel in the mood to have sex straight away.
While sex can be an important part of a romantic relationship as it brings you together intimately, remember that sex encompasses all aspects of sex play, and not just penetration. Experimenting with mutual masturbation, be it manually or with sex toys, and foreplay first might then lead to intercourse, but it doesn’t make it a necessity.
There can be a lot of pressure from a sexual perspective in a long-distance relationship, as you might feel concerns over your appearance and ability. You may be worried that because of your time apart, your partner will no longer like how your naked body looks, or that you won’t be able to perform as well in bed anymore. However, these are common worries that you need to shake off!
Long distance loving
Some couples prefer to save sexual interaction with each other for visits only, but you can also enjoy sex play while you’re apart too.
Phone sex is great as you can indulge with some role play, and Skype sessions can get a little steamy watching each other masturbate. You can also keep things fun by dropping each other a few saucy sexts every now and then, whether that be a text message or sensual selfie.
The We-Vibe Ditto is the perfect vibrating butt plug for anal pleasure. The Ditto is supplied with a remote control and can also be controlled by the We-Vibe Connect App. The app allows you to control your sex toy from an iPhone or Android phone. You can share access across the internet to allow a partner to control your plug or vibrator, even when they are on the other side of the world! Allowing your partner to control the vibration levels and intensities in this way will heighten your pleasure and you’ll enjoy taking control too.
Ignore the negativity
Have you heard the phrase, “Long-distance relationships never last, and when they do, they don’t” before? It’s a rather annoying one that crops up a lot, and is often said by people who haven’t even been in a long-distance relationship before.
Long-distance relationships are hard work as sometimes you may feel like you’re alone and you miss the physical contact between you and your partner, and sometimes talking just isn’t enough. However, it’s not all doom and gloom; 60% of long-distance relationships are successful, with 14 million Americans claiming to be in one (2016).
Every couple is different, but if it’s meant to last, you’ll find a way to make it work. Some people find it easier to think practically about long-distance; rather than being miserable about the situation, see it as it is: current circumstance. Remember, it’s not forever, it’s just for however long your work placement or university degree is.
Some couples who have met over the internet and live in different counties, or even countries, make their relationships work too! It’s all about finding what works for you as a couple.