Great Sex Without Intercourse

Read about the author Samantha Evans

It is a common and slowly changing misconception that “proper or normal” sex requires penetration.

Not everyone has a penis, wants a penis or enjoys penetrative sex. Sexual orientation is fluid and people enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure in so many different ways beyond penetration.

The focus of penetrative sex being the only way to enjoy “normal” sex by many within society and healthcare professionals can leave some people feeling frustrated if they are not able to have full penetrative sex due to physical disability, medical conditions, pregnancy, post surgery after or during cancer treatments, side effects from medication, vaginismus, injury or menstruation.

Exploring Sex Beyond Penetration

Sex without intercourse can allow many couples to enjoy a more fulfilling sex life. With intercourse off the menu, couples can focus on the many other ways they can make love by using hand massage, sex toys, reading erotic fiction, and light bondage. Having sex in this way is adventurous and could lead to it being the best sex you have ever had.

Even when helped by medication to improve erectile dysfunction or good lubrication to ease vaginal dryness, some couples still have difficulty enjoying sexual intercourse, especially older couples.

Women can experience vaginal dryness throughout their life but it is more problematic after menopause due to the hormonal changes taking place in their body. A decrease in libido and vaginal secretions can make having sexual intercourse painful and uncomfortable as well as being hard work. A good lubricant can help minimize dryness, not just after menopause but at any other time when this is a problem.

Men can experience erectile dysfunction at any age but especially after the age of 50 when the ability to become aroused by visual stimulation alone diminishes and physical stimulation is a pre requisite to getting an erection.

Side effects from medication, injury or illness can cause erectile dysfunction creating stress and anxiety which, in turn, increases the problem. As men get older, their erections become less firm but contrary to popular belief, a full erection is not necessary for ejaculation and orgasm. If sufficient vigorous stimulation is used, it is possible for them to achieve an orgasm with only a partially erect penis.

The Pulse III Duo has been cleverly designed to allow couples to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure even when the man has ED. Like the Solo Essential, the Pulse III Duo uses oscillating plates to stimulate the flaccid or erect penis and also has a vibrating underplate to stimulate the clitoris. This is great for couples who are no longer able to enjoy penetrative sex but are looking to maintain their sex life.

The use of a penis sleeve such as Fleshlight is easy to incorporate into partner lovemaking. An artificial vagina or mouth can feel like the real thing and is recommended for thosewho are unable to sustain a full erection.

Ways to have sex

Masturbate together

Mastrubate together, wathc your partner as they masturbate or let them masturbate you. Give them guidance ot take instruction on what feels good. You need to be uninhibited which can be difficult initially but overcoming this can be part of the thrill. Create a suitable environment, have a glass of wine, light scented candles, enjoy a bath together, many of our sex toys are waterproof, whatever gets you both in the mood.

Masturbate each other

Masturbating the penis is key to sex without intercourse so ask your partner to show you how they like to be touched or get them to gudie your hand as you slowly begin to mastrubate their penis. Everyone is different so do not assume that they enjoy what you are doing, ask them “ is this ok?”, “shall I go faster?”, “ is this firm enough or too firm?”. You will get an idea if they are enjoying from their response and the noises they make!

Use of a sex toy such as a penis sleeve like the Fleshlight can really increase stimulation. Such sleeves have moulded internal sheaths, which when lubricated will produce a similar effect to being inside a vagina. Using a sleeve can also be less tiring for the woman too!

The Pulse III Duo, Solo Essential and Fun Factory Manta are all great sex toys to use for masturbation on a penis.

Using YES organic lubricants on the penis or clitoris can make masturbation feel so pleasurable too.

Use a sex toy

Only 25% of women reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse, the other 75% require clitoral stimulation. Using a vibrator, vaginally or clitorally can induce mind blowing orgasms and you can control the intensity of them by using the controls on the vibrator. Using a vibrator on yourself whilst your partner is watching can be incredibly sexy and arousing or let them take control. A well lubricated vibrator sliding in and out of your well lubricated vagina can feel amazing. Many partners gain great pleasure from being able to stimulate their partner in this way if full penetrative sex is not possible.

There are remote control toys which allow your partner to control the toy inside you without you having any control over it, a bit of fun for many social occasions. This can be incredibly ecstatic and will have you sitting on the edge of your seat not knowing when they will set the vibrations of the toy going next!

Explore anal play and anal sex toys, there are many sex toys that feel amazing. Alway use a sex toy designed for anal play to remain safe. YESBUT is a water based lubricant designed for anal play, is pH balanced to the pH of the anus which is different from the pH of the vagina and is compatible with all our anal sex toys. Thicker in consistancy that YES water based lubricant, it allows you to enjoy longer anal play.

Some of our sex toys are clearly designed for people with a penis , clitoris and vagina, however many are great to use whatever your gender or sexual orientation, it is just about being creative and using your imagination. Many classic vibrators and bullets feel just as good along the shaft of a penis and around the head as they do on the clitoris and inside the vagina.

Glass and metal sex toys are ideal for exploring temperature play, you can heat them up in hot water and cool them down in the fridge! Designed for intimate play, they can be used externally on the body to create sensate pleasure

Oral sex

Great oral sex is essential for non penetrative sex. Most people really enjoy fellatio and do not require a fully erect penis to benefit from the pleasures of fantastic oral sex. Getting your partner to say what they really enjoys or would like you to do will increase their pleasure and make your job more fulfilling. The Manta is a great blow job accessory.

Many people with a clitoris enjoy oral sex too but once again, poor technique can leave them really turned off by it. Tell your partner what they are doing right and what you really don’t like. Partners want to give us the maximum pleasure but can only do so if we tell them what works for us. If you prefer a light touch tell them, if you want more pressure, tell them, combine oral pleasure with using a sex toy.

There are many flavoured lubricants available which can spice up the experience if you don’t like the taste which are great for oral sex , however we do not recommend flavoured lubricants for penetrative sex if you are prone to vaginal infections as they contain glycerine and glycols which can cause thrush and vaginal irritation.

Popping an ice cube into your mouth offers a different sexual sensation, especially if you blindfold your partner so they have no idea what to expect!

It is advisable to use a condom or dental dam to prevent transmission of sexual transmitted diseases or HPV. If you cannot find a dental dam, just cut the end of a condom off.

Nipple Play

Our nipples can be incredibly sensitive to touch and you may find you really enjoy nipple play whtever your gender. You may want to try gentle massage of the nipples and breasts with a sensual massage oil or massage candle, YES oil based lubricant or ID Velvet Silicone lubricant both feel great or explore nipple suckers and clamps if you enjoy the pleasurable sensation of pain.

Using your mouth to suck and tease a nipple into a tight bud, experiemnt with temperature play by using an ice cube either rubbing over the nipples or popping it into your mouth. Some people really enjoy wax play ( special body wax is poured over the breasts, not candle wax!) and some women find they can even enjoy a nipplegasm through nipple play, so experiment and explore, you just never know what will turns you on!

Blindfolds, ticklers, ties and whips

Using light bondage can spice up your sex life. Silky ties can be incorporated into your lovemaking and bring a hint of kinkiness to it. Wearing a blindfold can heighten your senses such as touch, taste and smell. It can make you feel more sexually aroused when you don’t know what is coming next. Feather ticklers and silicone whips are not only great fun for impact play but also offer sensate touch as you gently run them up and down your partner’s body so be creative with your bondage accessories.

Discovering your inner domnatrix is fun, explore BDSM or just add some extra spice to your sex life.

BDSM and Kink

Explore your kinky side, experiment with BDSM, fireplay, the erotic world of Shibari or just share your sexual fantasies and desires in your mind or played out in real life.

Watch erotic films and read erotic fiction

Reading erotic fiction has never been so popular and there are many erotic publications available to buy. Read to each other or take time alone to read a sexy story to get you in the mood for the evening ahead. You might like to incorporate some of the storyline in your lovemaking to spice things up.

Watch an erotic film together. Even if you are unable to have penetrative sex, you can still watch other couples having sex to get you in the mood for oral sex, play with sex toys or manual stimulation.

Having sex doesn’t mean sexual intercourse, it can be whatever you want it to be. Find out what works for you to achieve amazing orgasms and satisfying sexual fulfilment. You may not be able to have penetrative sex but that doesn’t mean you can’t find other ways to have great sex!